i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
