so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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