well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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