so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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