I wanna passion pit in your ass
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
