Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
