im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
