You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to sanitize my soul.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
