K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
