This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
