Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize