you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
