Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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