If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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