My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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