Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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