Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
