this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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