i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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