also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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