So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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