how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
