i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
