don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Acid is not a monday night drug
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize