Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
