Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
