Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
