You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A bitchslap is in order.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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