a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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