officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
