Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
