i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
