I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
