okay pat passed out under dana's car
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
