coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
