Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
