i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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