so that wasnt chicken after all
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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