She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
