I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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