After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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