whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
