maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
