I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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