hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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