my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
