I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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