That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
