I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize