I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
