he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
