im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
