This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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