Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
