Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
