Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize