considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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