Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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