I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
