i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
