My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We need to get me chipped asap
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
