gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
