Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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