Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
