I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
