I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
