Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
