I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
