think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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