how can u be prego again
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
