her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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