People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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