return my video game
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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