i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize