It's Friday. Sex?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
