I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize