and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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