i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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