I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
