I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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