alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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