I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize