Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
