cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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