I think I won the penis lottery.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
