I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
BRING THE BAGELS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
