Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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