The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
