i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
