he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
