Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
