i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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