Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you win again, gameday.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
